Ok ok ok I give in. I've been reading of all my friends' fabulous adventures for the past six months and desperately feeling the need to prove that I too have somewhat of a life. Or at least I will. So here is my blog o' travels…for the three of you who will actually read this.
I'm not really sure how to start out, because I am bit of an uncomfortable new-comer to the blogging world…but I guess I will take full advantage of my status of dictator of this corner of cyberspace and post whatever the hell I want. My blog, my rules. So here is a little something that I wrote in a spontaneous outburst at 2 o'clock in the morning a month or so ago, something a little bit silly and a little bit serious. It does have a point related to my travels and plans, which I will elaborate on if you somehow make it all the way through...but mostly I promised Evie she'd be able to read it somehow.
(drum roll, please)
How Harry Potter Ruined My Life
Before the death threats and Howlers start pouring in, let me begin by saying that I love Harry Potter. Like really, really love Harry himself, the story, the books, the whole shebang. Sure, I went through my childishly self-important phase when I was convinced that I was not and actually never had been a child – ever – and so I dismissed the first few books as "kids' stuff." Of course, I read them anyway – but just to see what the fuss was about, really. I promise. But then, somewhere around the new handsome godfather and the annual deaths and the teen angst and all the love, the series began to grow on me. By the publication of Deathly Hallows, I was on the book's pre-order list and when I got it, I stayed up all night and bawled my way through… well, the entire thing. So yes, I'm one of Dumbledore's Army. I go to the midnight premieres. I have a very significant portion of the lyrics to A Very Potter Musical memorized. I sort my pets into their proper Houses. Severus Snape stands next to Atticus Finch as one of my all-time great literary heroes…and I amuse myself with imagining what conversations between the two men might be like. So…like I said: I really, really, really love the whole phenomenon. Atticus (or anyone) could probably build a solid case arguing that I'm a bit obsessed.
So why this provocative title, then? How has Harry wronged me? Well, to sum it up in one sentence: Harry Potter ruined my life because my life is not Harry Potter. And I'm not just talking about the amazing magical world stuff – though, don't get me wrong, I'd love that too. I would definitely take a wand and a broomstick and a fantastical boarding school and adorable house elves and a poor orphaned wizard who just needs me to snog him silly (and I know just the way to get around that inconvenient-for-hanky-panky, nonexistent-privacy dormitory business: the Room of Requirement! It's secret, probably sound-proof, and could change style and décor occasionally whenever you might want to spice things up a bit…I mean, I definitely have not thought about this…ever…). But no, sadly, these are not the things for which I most envy Harry and crew. For although I most resemble Harry in my desire to be good and true and to save the world, I resemble him least in my clarity of purpose. Truth? The thing I most envy Harry for is Voldemort. Let me explain.
There's a scene near the end of the seventh book, in the Great Hall, when all the students and professors are preparing for the Battle of Hogwarts. Voldemort mega-broadcasts his voice, asking everyone to lay down their wands and send him Harry so that he can finish off the pesky Boy Who Lived, once and for all. Upon hearing this, and Pansy's call to follow Voldemort's wishes, all the Gryffindors, Ravenclaws, and Hufflepuffs arise, en masse, to protect Harry. To fight for him and with him. A few moments later, when McGonagall gives everyone the option to stay and fight or to leave, the majority of students choose to remain and join the battle against Voldemort and to fight for what they love. It is a powerful moment that chokes me up every time I read it – I am filled with admiration and respect and empathy for human(wizard)kind and all the good Harry-induced emotions. Here it is: a call to face evil head on, to risk everything for love and justice and truth. Harry faced his turning point long ago – and then over and over and over again throughout the books – but it is this collective moment of truth that touches me. And I long for something like it.
I watch the news, read social commentaries, and take classes that forever alter the way I think about the world, power relations, and paradigms, and I see so much pain, so much injustice, so much poverty, so much indignity and silence, so much evil in its most human forms. I know that I should stand up to it and be brave like Harry and try to help the people of the world. But how? Who is my Voldemort? Corporations? Climate change? Corrupt governments? White/American/Western-European bigotry and presumptions? Cultures of violence? Human apathy? The Twlight saga? The possibilities are endless, all linked, and they leave me completely shuttered. I don't know where to begin, how to choose my villain. I read about it, I am outraged, and I do nothing. Trust me, if someone told me I could solve problems by staying in the Great Hall and fighting the Darkest of Lords, I'd be happier than Hermione dropping the basilisk fangs. (Well, maybe not quite that happy.) But in the real world, I don't what or whom I'm fighting and so I don't begin. I have all the passion to do good and none of the purpose. And so I feel like a royal hippogriff. I mean hypocrite. Which I hate. See what you did to me, Harry?
So yeah, I think Harry Potter has ruined my life. Because I know I'll never have one shining moment when I can put together all of the puzzle pieces, fire off my trademark spell, and rid the world of evil. It can't be that simple. When you think about it, Harry really did have it easy with Voldy…minus the constant killing of loved ones and the torture and the self-sacrificial Christ-figure business. But seriously, he had just one tiny, snake-like, terrifying, murderous villain to clean up after. That looks pretty fabulous compared to the real world. As for me, I guess I'll just keep searching for something tangible that I can actually do for the greater good. Let's just hope Enron doesn't have any Horcruxes.
I think this explains a lot about me, what I want to do with my life, and why I chose to go on this program to Argentina (in addition to my obsession with Harry Potter). As much as I joke, I do have quite a bit of Josh Groban-style sincerity that bursts forth from time to time (as evidenced above). I struggle a lot with the feeling that I have never actually done anything with my life. I mean, sure, I've accomplished some of the normal things (taken tests, exercised occasionally, enjoyed a sunset, breathed in and out consistently, played the odd game of less-than-sober Harry Potter Clue, driven into lakes, etc.) but I don't feel I've done anything extraordinary or important or particularly life-affirming. And so I feel that now, by going to Argentina on an Economic Development and Social Change program, I think am finally, finally doing something concrete and special that will actually further my goals of learning how to bring positive change to the world. Of course, I'm not a complete bleeding heart (all evidence to the contrary) and I'm looking forward to the many wonderfully intoxicating cultural, culinary, visual, and other sensual experiences I'll get to enjoy selfishly while I'm there. But I also have high hopes for the types of directive experiences I will gain as well, ones which I hope will help to guide me in the big questions I will be facing pretty soon down the line. Mostly, I just can't wait for life to happen, in all its many mysterious manifestations.
So I sit here in my room, with the knowledge that on Sunday I will be leaving home for the longest extended period of my life. Who knows what is in store for me? Hopefully Gilberto?The only certainty is that I have no certainties. When I was in high school, I wrote a poem for my English class that began with the line "Here I am, Life:/ you know where to find me" (oh, the angst!). Now, as I am about to embark on this big adventure, I feel more closely aligned to the sentiment of another lyric. To quote from a Harry Potter source once more (just because I can), I leave you with Voldy's inspirational classic:
"Hello, world! I'm gonna getchaaaaaaa!"
See you on the other side.
